AMA highlight: how to make networking feel less transactional
Recognize that transactional ≠ bad, be genuinely interested, and create something new.
Last month, we hosted a Careers in Industry AMA. Here are some highlights from our panel.
“Everyone always says that you have to network to get a good job, but it feels very transactional to me. How do I get over that?”
Recognize that transactional ≠ bad:
I'd say every human interaction/relationship is transactional; we just don't realize it for the more 'organic' ones. You might be more conscious about it because you feel that there's an asymmetry—you are in a position of 'asking for a favor' or something. However, this is not the case, as in every networking event, 'the other side' (whatever it is) participates with their own goals in mind as well. So I think getting over the feeling involves realizing what value you are bringing to the other side and staying within the boundaries of the intersection where the 'transaction' is mutually beneficial.
Everyone knows why they are going to a networking event! It is transactional, and it is ok. People love to share their insights, but the real goal of networking is to leave a lasting impression. Instead of focusing on what you can get, focus on having genuine, engaging conversations that project your curiosity and confidence.
You want them to remember you after all the conversations they have.
Maybe a simple way to answer the question is that it's going to feel transactional, and that's totally ok. So I would focus less on making networking feel transactional and more on overcoming any fears/blockers to asking people for help. People generally like helping other people, and everyone involved is perfectly capable of saying no.
I think there are two components to networking:
Leveraging your current set of friends, family, and acquaintances to land a job.
Adding people to your network.
Another thing to point out is that the hiring managers on my team complain all the time about how hard it is to find good candidates for open roles. It's not like we're sitting on mountains of high-quality applicants and adding another one doesn't really add much value to the company. Most of the time when someone in my network reaches out for help with a job search, I pass them on to a hiring manager who is extremely thankful that I made their job easier!
I know it's hard to wrap your head around if you're on the job-applicant side, but it's truly hard to find qualified people.
Be genuinely interested:
Don't start with random messages to luminaries in the field—find deeper things in common.
If someone writes to me out of the blue saying "I wanna work in AI, can you help?" then I'll say little more than "Sure, here's some advice—learn about AI and apply for jobs." Whereas if someone writes saying "I'm really interested in quaternions and tensor products for language processing," then I'm immediately feeling, "Wow, mate, you came to the right place—there are so few of us!"
Create something new:
Networking isn't (always) a zero-sum game. Sometimes you meet with someone and have a conversation that creates something new that wasn't there before. It's not just an exchange... it’s like a coupling term in the Hamiltonian that adds more energy to the system. This doesn't always happen, but once you've experienced it a few times, you get pretty excited to talk to new people because there is a chance that this will happen, and you both win.
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Note: some quotes were lightly edited for clarity.